He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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