Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
