Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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