Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
