what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
