i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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