The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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