break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
