I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
they're like a gay fantastic four
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
