i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
