He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
