I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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