I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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