My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
