I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm having to shit out rocks
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
