i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
