So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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