The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
