hotel room ftw
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
