Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
