The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
