So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
