no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
