the condom got lost in my hair
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
