He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
