I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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