reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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