come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
