The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
