would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
