The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Boobs speak an international language.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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