I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
