also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize