I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
