Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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