Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
