I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
True strength comes from lack of pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
