ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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