Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
