i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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