my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
