Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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