Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
