Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
