Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
