On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
