So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
