the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
