hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
