i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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