wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
