You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
