Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
