Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
