I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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