addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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