Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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