at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
