Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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