i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the day after is always just damage control
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
