all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
