I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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