My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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