I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
