When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
