8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
