I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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