Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
