If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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