yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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