Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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