Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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