I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
